found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
