FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
