She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
