How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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