Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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