Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
