Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
