Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
