I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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