Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
