How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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