All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
