Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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