just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
