I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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