my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
