he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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