I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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