Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
vagina is talking i cant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
