this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
