She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
