Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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