im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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