my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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