Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
