You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
