I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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