first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
