btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
