I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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