Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
