mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
