i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
