I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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