someone owes me an orgasm
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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