She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize