I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
