There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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