If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
