yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
