i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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