I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
