I think I won the penis lottery.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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