tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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