If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
