lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
