At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
