i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
