I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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