I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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