Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
