dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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