i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
