I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Too much gin, very little bucket
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
