I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
