Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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