I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
