hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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