I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
