thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You have to summon your inner elephant
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
