im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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