Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
