Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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