dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize