is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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