glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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