if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
