do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize