Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
third nipple confirmed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
