His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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