Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
