I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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