She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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