They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Please, let me fuck your mom
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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