that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How drunk are you?
Completed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
