so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
