You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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