watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
