You made me cry and you don't even care
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
