Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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