I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
