Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
