She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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