Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
