i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
